||[Mar. 24th, 2010|11:36 pm]
I'm feeling strangely anxious, tense, a little sad, call it whatever my head decides it is at the time.
However, the feeling that my brain likes to portray isn't intense. It's often there, just quietly lurking in the background as part of the usual background noise (of my brain). I have that quiet melancholy sitting there waiting to come out at times. But now it's particularly strong for this period - and the reason I suspect is I am altogether far too lonsesome at work at the moment.
As some people are aware, a recent development in my psychological history is that I am not that great at being on my own. It's something I'm working on - but I feel I'm getting a little too much of the hands on alone time. Today at work, for instance, I got there at 8:45, and did not see a person in the shop til after midday. Then they left, and I was alone again for another hour, had some customers who I practically gushed all over because they are nice people I'm quite friendly with and was relieved to have company, then another hour of no-one.
And sometimes, it needs to be company that I know too - just having randoms walking in and out isn't enough, I need to have someone I know in my presence, not even talking or interacting with me. I like being with someone when I do things, even if we do not interact at all.
I AM getting better at being on my own, otherwise these stretches would be driving me CRAZY. But I've oft been a fan of the more progressive form of exposure to something one doesn't like - you know, a few hours alone a few times a week, then every day, then a few more hours, etc.
I can be on my own for large stretches of time without it majorly affecting me now. But I don't have to like it.
It affects my work ethic too. Be it my personal work or stuff I'm doing for my workplace, I find it harder to get down to it when I'm on my own. It's really bothering me lately. Erk...
So, how are you all in LJ land? I was thinking I should plan my birthday party soon so it's well organised and out of the way. :)