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Hmmmm... - I am only doing this because you guys made me. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
muncher666

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Hmmmm... [Mar. 24th, 2010|11:36 pm]
muncher666
[Current Mood |discontentdiscontent]

I'm feeling strangely anxious, tense, a little sad, call it whatever my head decides it is at the time.

However, the feeling that my brain likes to portray isn't intense. It's often there, just quietly lurking in the background as part of the usual background noise (of my brain). I have that quiet melancholy sitting there waiting to come out at times. But now it's particularly strong for this period - and the reason I suspect is I am altogether far too lonsesome at work at the moment.

As some people are aware, a recent development in my psychological history is that I am not that great at being on my own. It's something I'm working on - but I feel I'm getting a little too much of the hands on alone time. Today at work, for instance, I got there at 8:45, and did not see a person in the shop til after midday. Then they left, and I was alone again for another hour, had some customers who I practically gushed all over because they are nice people I'm quite friendly with and was relieved to have company, then another hour of no-one.

And sometimes, it needs to be company that I know too - just having randoms walking in and out isn't enough, I need to have someone I know in my presence, not even talking or interacting with me. I like being with someone when I do things, even if we do not interact at all.

I AM getting better at being on my own, otherwise these stretches would be driving me CRAZY. But I've oft been a fan of the more progressive form of exposure to something one doesn't like - you know, a few hours alone a few times a week, then every day, then a few more hours, etc.

I can be on my own for large stretches of time without it majorly affecting me now. But I don't have to like it.

It affects my work ethic too. Be it my personal work or stuff I'm doing for my workplace, I find it harder to get down to it when I'm on my own. It's really bothering me lately. Erk...

So, how are you all in LJ land? I was thinking I should plan my birthday party soon so it's well organised and out of the way. :)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: evil_s
2010-03-24 01:04 pm (UTC)
In general I'm pretty good :) surgery coming up on Monday and then a trip to Adelaide for Easter. Being snuggled by my cat helps with the good mood too :)
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[User Picture]From: aphephobia
2010-03-24 02:21 pm (UTC)
*massive hugs and good thoughts*

I can sorta sympathise... but I go in the opposite direction where I need to be very much alone or else I go into bad headspace.

An ex of mine told me that we apparently need seven meaningful interactions with people per day to stay psychologically healthy.
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[User Picture]From: muncher666
2010-03-25 12:40 pm (UTC)
Interesting. As absurd as it might sound, I may start recording that along with my daily goal stuff to see if there is any correlation.
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[User Picture]From: muncher666
2010-03-25 12:46 pm (UTC)
A lot of people have been telling me similar things, I suspect this is all confirmation that I really am somewhat of an extrovert like everyone keeps telling me. :)
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[User Picture]From: persephone_20
2010-03-25 12:59 am (UTC)
I find that I'm ok being on my own so long as I have something to do. And if there is nothing to do, even being with someone else doesn't always help.

That being said, I am always happy to bring dvds, or just randomly hang out with you, hon. *snuggles*
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[User Picture]From: muncher666
2010-03-25 12:43 pm (UTC)
I do appreciate that sweetie, but I think it's work where I need it more. At home I'm getting increasingly better and better at being by myself, now I'm finding it's bad at work instead. *sigh*
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[User Picture]From: persephone_20
2010-03-26 01:40 am (UTC)
That's why Jane's been coming and meeting you there some days, isn't it?
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[User Picture]From: goblinbrodie
2010-03-25 10:34 am (UTC)
Are you thinking you should be able to stand being alone for longer? Or are you trying to get more meaningful interaction in your life?
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[User Picture]From: muncher666
2010-03-25 11:31 am (UTC)
A little of both. Sometimes I feel silly for finding being on my own so tough - and yet I'm getting better at coping on my own by continued exposure. But you mentioning meaningful interaction strikes a chord, as when there are supremely annoying people 'keeping' me company, I feel similar to when I'm on my own for ages - the key difference being I'm more distracted and thusly less focused on the things that bother me unnecessarily.

But when I'm on my own things that seem minor seem much bigger. Today, on the other hand, I both did a good job, was given good direction by management and had company and finished feeling fantastic! And as a result this whole LJ post seems really angsty and stupid, which seems really bad. *face palm*
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[User Picture]From: goblinbrodie
2010-03-26 09:29 am (UTC)
That's actually one of the good things about making angsty diary entries or LJ posts - afterwards you can go, "wow, I'm glad I don't feel like that now!" It gives you a sense of perspective. :)
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